Chocolate Covered Bacon

So I thought about writing a blog for a while. Mostly thinking, "Really? Do I need to further clog up an already jammed up information super highway with the haunted house of thoughts in my head? Eh, why not." So here I am unleashing a torrent of adequacy at you people. A very good friend of mine had started blogging routinely somewhat recently and she seems to enjoy it. It probably helps that she is a good writer. And has a lot of interesting life experiences to pull from. And is exceptionally talented and intelligent. So what the hell did I think I was going to do? But undaunted in seeing that I figured why not try my hand at it too. Which brings me here to my virtual pencil and paper. Now that I have signed up to have my very own blog there comes a lot of pressure. First among them is what will my first blogging be about? It should be something important and relevant so that I can drown you all with my oh-so-important views of the world at large. So where do I go? Healthcare? Immigration? The War(s)? The Deficit? Chocolate covered bacon? Yeah, that's it, chocolate covered bacon. Let's have a look at that. Why chocolate covered bacon? Glad you asked. Let's take a trip back in time about a week to the State Fair, check local listings. I enjoy the state fair. Let's be honest, what's not to like about fried cheese, elephant ears and getting to see the worlds largest boar in the hog bar. Seriously, 1200 pounds and change. That was one humongous pig! And by extension, a huge set of balls. Which brings up the question... how does he walk with those. Or at least without having them drag the ground. I guess it really doesn't matter because any time I've ever seen one of these obscenely large pigs, they've always been laying down. So maybe that's how they deal with the whole 'balls dragging the ground when I walk' thing, they just don't walk. Anyway, back to the fair and the mystery treat. There's always something interesting, and by that I mean odd, at the state fair in the food department. You have your standard fair fare (I can't tell you how long I've been wanting to use that homophone) like breaded tenderloins, elephant ears, funnel cakes, barbecue, fried zucchini, turkey legs....I think I just gained two pounds writing that sentence. But there is always the new kid on the food block. And it's usually odd. For example, the fried pickle. It's not as disgusting as you might think. Or the fried candy bar. Come on folks, we've all heard of the fried candy bar and as disgusting as you may protest it to be because you say you're healthy, deep down everyone wants to try one. What's not to like, Snickers are great. And I don't get any money from the Snickers people to say that but if they want to come to the table with a check I'm willing to listen. Fried foods are notorious for being delicious, so what's not to like about a fried candy bar? Well if you like to feel like you're getting diabetes the moment you bite into it, go right ahead. For those of you who have never had one, it's very much in the vein of a corn dog, minus the healthy aspects. There is a corndog like coating. More like a pancake really. The candy bar is coated in this, fried and then coated with powdered sugar. MMMMM....MMMMM! Picture that last MMMM....MMMMM in an Andy Griffith voice. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, go to TV Land right now and watch a few reruns and then come back here and finish. So the fried candy bar is a different sweets experience. I tried it and it wasn't horrifyingly bad. Just not a sweet I think I'd try again. Then there was the fried Pepsi. What? How do you fry a liquid? I don't know but I'm on board if for nothing else the magical part of seeing a liquid fry in a liquid. I'm not going to lie, I was very curius to see this booth when it first came out. Then I realized they weren't doing some kind of Mr. Wizard magic, it was just fried dough with some Pepsi flavoring injected in toward the end. What a rip-off! No magical fried liquid....screw off fried Pepsi booth. You're a fraud with your no fried liquid. I don't know exactly what I was expecting but it wasn't fried dough slightly soaked in Pepsi. That just seems like a letdown. I guess that goes up there with the flying cars. But now let's skip ahead to this years state fair. I had heard that there was a vendor selling chocolate covered bacon. What? Two of the best things ever! I'm not a big fan of sweets, which may not be obvious by my dissection of the fried candy bar, but I do like some chocolate every now and again. And bacon could be the most perfect food ever. Right up there with cheese. If there was a food "Hall of Justice" , bacon would be playing the role of Superman with cheese coming in as Batman. Which I guess by extension would make Robin the crackers to go along with that. I'll have to think about what other super-hero I would assign to what food. Anyway, chocolate covered bacon...where do I get in line! Not that I thought it was going to be the best thing I ever ate but I've liked stranger things, like squid (a little chewy) and 8MM ( a little dry). Now why do I have to take a swing at Nick Cage and his movies? Every third or fourth one is passable. I guess I could have said Snake Eyes or The Rock but I didn't want you to think I was talking about an action figure or a wrestler. So back to the bacon. I was at the fair with a couple friends but I couldn't talk either of them into so much as a nibble. So it was on me to take down this whole order of sad. Now let me set the table as to what the chocolate covered bacon is, aside from the obvious in the title. It's served similar to a chocolate covered banana if you've ever had one of those. The bacon is cooked, covered with chocolate and then frozen till the unsuspecting customer comes up. Enter unsuspecting customer. I place my order and my three slices of bacon are pulled out, placed in a little basket and sprinkled with powdered sugar. Five bucks later I'm walking away from the booth with my treat. I know five bucks sounds like a lot for three slices of bacon you know are going to taste horrible, and you'd be right, but I couldn't not try it, so there I was. I wasn't exactly sure how to go at it but one end of the bacon was left exposed so I guess that's what they're considering the handle so that's where I picked it up and had my first bite. You know what's unexpected? Chewy chocolate. And I don't mean a delicious chewy like a carmel or something. I mean like meat chewy. Ugh, that first bite was awful. But I thought, hell I paid for it, I'm gonna choke down five dollars worth of this destroyed, chocolatey bacon. And it didn't really get any better. You think there may be some subtlety in the combination of flavors that you start to pick up. And you'd be wrong. It's just bacon dipped in chocolate. I guess you can call that a lesson learned about odd fair food. But at the least I have that in my library of tastes for future reference. So the next time I come up against something that is horrifyingly bad, I can say, "Sure ________ was bad, but it's no chocolate covered bacon.".