Malaysia...when did I go to Malaysia?

So I had to cash a check recently and it reminded me of a nonexistent trip to Malaysia. I had gotten some Disney on Ice tickets for my brother and his family and he paid me back with a check. Which is fine I guess, but I sometimes look at getting a check as, "hey, thanks for the errand.". I shouldn't complain about however anyone wants to pay me back but man, getting a check can be a hassle. At least for me. Banks close early and the little 'bank-marts' in certain grocery stores are open later, but they're not as convenient to get to. Or at least the one I would be going to isn't really on my way home. Well, I guess it is if you count that round about way home as on the way, then yes it is. So I get to the bank to cash the check and they ask me my security question. Really? It's a $44 check, but that's your policy so have at it. Now keep that in mind. So why did I tell you that bit of personal finance history? To be able to tell you this part of it. Let's take a trip back to 2007. My family was coming into town to go to the State Fair (see prior post about the State Fair fun) and I was running out really quick before they got to my house to grab some cash from an ATM. Got to the ATM, got my cash and did my customary glance at the receipt to see if everything looked ok and I was a little shocked. Now, I'm not going to retire tomorrow or anything but no one needs to hold a benefit in my honor either. I'm not breaking the bank but at any time I have a general idea of how much money I have in my account. And this receipt was trying to tell me that at that moment I was down about $1800. What the fu....well, there has to be some kind of accounting error going on because that is no where close to where it should be. So I rush home and give them a call on their way and say I may not be quite ready when they get here. I hop online to check my account and see what may have happened and I'm seeing charges to a Malaysian airline, some Turkish airline and some other toy countries too. WHAT THE FU...funny, I don't remember going to Malaysia. Or ever having a desire to go there. So I get on the 800 number line to my bank to see what the hell exactly is going on. It was a Saturday and I had them cancel, freeze or whatever they had to do to lock down the account so no more fraudulent charges could go through. They said to go to a branch to fill out paperwork to get an investigation going and to be able to get my money back. Keep in mind, this was my checking account, so that was actual money gone. Not like if it had been on a credit card and it was money in theory gone. Needless to say, I was a bit preoccupied at the fair. I still had a good time but was going over in the back of my mind, what the hell am I going to do. So I got back home from the fair and made my way to one of the afore mentioned bank-marts. Those are the only locations that are open at 4:00pm on a Saturday. And I wanted to get the wheels rolling as soon as I could. I had printouts of my online statement, and they had it pulled up too, and the manager on duty there kinda chuckled as I was filling out the paperwork saying this was the most clear cut fraud case he'd seen since he'd been there and that getting my money back should be a piece of cake. So that was a bit reassuring. I filled out the paperwork, and there was a lot of it, got is signed, dated and he was going to fax it to the bank's headquarters for fraud and it should get in the system pretty quickly. So I felt pretty confident...that was till I called the main number that Monday to make sure they had gotten my paperwork and that they didn't need anything else from me at the moment. To which they said they'd gotten it but it wasn't signed. Really? Because I saw myself sign it. So did the manager there. Sigh. So I decided to take a long lunch and get this straightened out. I remembered hearing about having to go to a bank of origination for some things so I went back to the branch that I had started my account with about ten years ago. Well, I had to go home first and get all the things I had to that point. Got to the bank and was waiting in line and got to a teller. I was explaining my story to her and she was amazed. That line forms to the left. Fortunately she was the head teller for that branch and she got right on it. She had the other branch fax me the paperwork they had and I'll be damned, when it came through there was my signature plain as day. Makes me wonder how the monkeys at the main branch couldn't see it. So she faxed that back in, I had to fill out some other paperwork and then start to close out that account and start a new one. I went into an office to start a new checking account and was going through all the paperwork to do that when the teller came back in with something else to sign and gave me an update on the total, and she was amazed. She said it had gotten to almost $13,000 dollars. Her and the associate helping me with the new account both said that was the biggest number for something like this they'd ever heard of and both said considering what it was, I shouldn't have any problem getting my money back. Now keep in mind, I'm only on the hook for some of that $13,000. My bank was on the hook for all of it because my account had been overdrawn by a considerable amount so not only will they be giving me my money back but trying to get back the rest of the fraudulent funds too. So with that, I felt pretty confident that it was all going to work out and they said the whole process should take four to six weeks. Well great, I have to wait that long to get my account back in order. And I had two accounts. Since the stuff had happened to my original account, which was now locked down in about fifteen different ways, they would have to put any recovered money into that one and then transfer it to my new one. Guess they couldn't put it directly into my new one for some reason or another. So at this point, I was left with a damaged checking account, a brand new checking account and no debit card. Until you don't have access to your money via debit card, you never really realize how much you use it. Man, was that a pain in the ass. And about a week later I had my new card but boy was that an inconvenient week. Then I had to go back to work and send in my new info to the payroll department for the direct deposit and all that. And here's a fun note on that, it would take one pay cycle to go into effect so the next check would be mailed to me and I'd have to go to the bank to deposit it. JOY! Remember my initial thought about going there with a check, thanks for the errand. So everything had been working itself out, I'd been getting letters from my bank with charge backs and all, which were then transferred to my new account and after about five weeks I had every last penny back and all was right with the world. So that was mid September.

Now let's skip ahead to the second week of October. I got a letter from my bank saying upon inspection they were going to be reversing one of the charges because they had deemed it a 'valid transaction' and had laid out the steps for me to dispute that. WHAT THE FUCK!!! Hell yeah I'm gonna dispute it. The first step was to have something in writing. Now, as you people may have noticed, I don't have a problem writing and going on and on. And man did they get an earful in letter form, I think I stopped short of calling them assholes. Which I think I would have been justified in calling them but that probably wouldn't have helped anything. However, I did lay out to them in no uncertain terms why this was bullshit and was not going to happen. First among them goes back to what I told you earlier about getting asked my security question when trying to cash a $44 check. For forty-four dollars they ask me that question, yet for multiple transactions that were hundreds and thousands of dollars per transaction ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET, not a single red flag was raised in the system? Really? Nothing at all seemed odd about that? Not one bit? Now I know why all of them needed bailed out if that's all the better accounting they had in place. Maybe, and it's just a wild thought, have something in place to keep tabs on that. When I moved into my house the first thing I bought was a bigscreen tv. With a credit card. The very next day I had an automated fraud alert call to verify that I was the one buying it. Wow, so it can be done. And if they'd bother to look at my banking history from the last decade, 90% of any and all transactions were in the central and northeast part of my state. And at that time, the exceptions to that were Seattle, Las Vegas, Boston, New Hampshire and points along the way. That's it. That's the list. And I laid that out to them very plainly with probably no small amount of cynicism and sarcasm. So I was curious how they thought several fifteen hundred dollar airline ticket purchases ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET were valid. Well, I guess that could be a semantic argument on their part to back out of it. As soon as a card is scanned and accepted, that is a valid transaction. Regardless of how fraudulent it may be. So needless to say I was hot that evening but nothing I could do till the next morning. So that next morning I called back to that branch and asked for the teller I'd been working with only to find out she was out sick. Oh great, now to have to try and rehash the last two months of nonsense to a brand new person. I started to explain my story and apparently that teller had heard of it and put me in with the manager, who I guess was as familiar with it as the teller. When I came in that lunch hour with my new paperwork and all she was a little amazed that they were trying it. Actually, her exact words were, "I've never seen them try to reverse an amount this big before.". Well that's good to know I'm a trailblazer. Now the first go around I think there were six or seven different transactions, so I had to fill out six or seven different sets of paperwork for each one. So I asked her if I should expect this for all of them and if I'd have to fill out this new paperwork for the rest that would be coming through. She said that hopefully this would catch them before any others were sent out and she could get those from going through as well as getting this one re-reversed. So I felt reassured, not totally confident, but at least reassured. So about a week later I got a letter from the headquarters saying the money was being put back into my account. Not a mention anywhere of 'sorry we were dipshits about that' or anything like that. Just that it was back in the account. Well at least I had all the cash back. When all the dust had settled I tried to figure out where my number may have gotten out so that Mubupoo could have snagged it and started racking up frequent flyer miles to all those shit destinations on my dime. The only thing that was an out of the way purchase (by that I mean not a usual gas station, grocery store or restaurant) was an online purchase of concert tickets a few weeks before this whole fiasco started. So boys and girls, what do we take away from all of this? Other than banks are machines and not looking out for your best interests unless you point it out to them? Well first, even though credit card companies are evil at least they have the common sense to ask about the validity of major purchases. That's be nice if the bank would take note of that. And secondly, if you are doing an online purchase, use a credit card and not a debit card. If something like that happens it's not your money that you're out, it's just 'credit money' which is kinda like Monopoly money at that point. And something like that would be easy for the card company to wipe from your account and then it's on them to go all collections pitbull and find the jagoffs doing that that actually owe them. Which I guess makes them slightly less evil, but still evil. At least they'll give you your money back and then not try to take it back again a couple weeks down the road.

Have I Mentioned I Hate Flying?

So I am starting to plan for another of my annual trips to Seattle. The company I work for is based out of there and at least once a year they have everyone from all the offices out for a party. Well, I go for the party. Everyone else has to work at the sales meetings. One of the times where being in the creative department works in my favor, I get to go and play and they all have to work that week. But I hate going there. Let me rephrase that, I hate getting there. Let me set the table as to why. I had never flown on a large, commercial aircraft before in my life. Ever. Had a slight irrational fear of flying in the John Madden scope of not flying. If I couldn't drive to get somewhere, I obviously didn't need to go to that place. So my travels had been somewhat limited. But no airlines involved so I call that a win. Well, my first year with my company I had started at just the right time to be going to the holiday party a mere six weeks later. Now, seeing as how I had never flown before, I have no base of comparison for when flying may have been even slightly enjoyable before 2001. I'm sure it may have been sometime back when everything was in black and white, no one had been in outer space and nobody had heard of the Beatles yet, but it isn't now. Actually, there is not one single thing about airline travel that is enjoyable other than getting off the plane. So back to the initial trip. I had to weigh the irrational fear of flying against a pretty much free trip to a city I've never been to before...so I chose to get on the plane. My HR department got my trip booked and everything looked fine. The friend I work with in the creative department was going without his wife so they booked us together. So at least I had someone I knew going along the way in case I freaked out. Now, I had always heard 'be two hours early, be two hours early' so, we got there two hours early. The flight was like 9:15am so we're there a little after 7:00am...and are through security by 7:25am at the latest so the time warning seemed a little...excessive. Apparently by that time they'd gotten the bugs worked out and shaved an hour fifty off that estimate. But, you know what's open at 7:25am? The airport bar. So I had a couple tall beers. Not enough to alter my consciousness but enough to at least make me think I was relaxed. I don't check luggage, I don't want the monkeys with the airlines to lose it and have it show up in Phoenix when I'm supposed to be in Seattle, but got on the plane in plenty of time to make sure I had the overhead room. And then got strapped in and was waiting to take off. Seriously, how long does it take for a grown ass person to find their damn seat? They're numbered so unless your name is Jethro and you have a 4th grade education, you should be able to count up to 21 to see where your row is. Finally everyone got on, door shut and we're moving...and I'm white knuckling on the armrest of my seat. We were taxiing around and I thought, "Well this isn't so bad.". Then they got lined up and punched it and I was sucked back into my seat. To say it was one of the oddest feeling I had ever experienced to that point would be a good way to say it. Then after the climb and leveling out, it wasn't too bad. And neither were any other of the legs of that trip, which is a good thing because I can't guarantee that I would have gone back. How would that work out, the fear of flying taking down a free trip cross country.

Now I'm not as bad with the fear of flying, other than the regular "boy I hope the pilot is having a good day" concerns. I look at flying as more of a hassle than anything anxiety causing. Really, like I said before, to me there is not one enjoyable thing about flying other than getting off the plane. Or I guess being several hundred miles away in like three hours, I guess that's good too. So by this time in my life I have flown quite a bit. I'm not in a frequent flyer club but I pretty much know how to navigate an airport and was accustomed to the now standard TSA nonsense and ineptitude. Out of curiosity one time, I looked online for the minimum requirements to be a TSA employee, one of which was "High School diploma or G.E.D.".....GED? Really? Not to knock anyone for trying to get an education but if high school English was kicking their ass maybe their not the people we need front lining it to catch people like that lunatic a couple weeks ago that tried to light his groin on fire in an airplane. I'm not a security expert, but if someone who has gotten on a plane from somewhere, oh, let's say Yemen, and buys with cash a one way ticket with no luggage to check is perhaps one of the people we are looking for and not the family of four from Nebraska who is off to the side with the kids crying because they can't figure out which line to get in and they're all tired from already having been there two and a half hours. People may say that's racial profiling, or maybe it could be proactive screening? Ever think about it that way? We know who the people are, go get them. Because nineteen lunatics got through the Keystone Cops intelligence prior to 9/11and created what they created, now 200 million Americans (I know there are 300 million in the country but let's assume not all of them fly. Like I said, flying is the enjoyment equivalent of dental surgery) will fly from time to time, so two thirds of the country, we are now criminals. Or at least assumed criminals till we're patted down by captain success with his GED. Is it so hard to figure out who poses a threat? Because of the Keystone Cops intelligence, which how did they miss that guy, the fire groin guy, we're all guilty? This is insane. Now, I know they do probably get a lot of things right and have stopped a number of attacks that we never hear about, so they don't screw up everything but yet we still stand in these lines that don't seem to work. But it's not all on them. The airlines are horrifying too. They stunk before 2001, anyone remember them getting bailed out numerous times before it was en vogue to be a business bailed out by the government? But now they just hide behind the phrase 'September Eleventh' to justify anything they want to do. Which includes adding to the security hassle. There is no reason that a family of four should not know what line they need to be in or that they should have to spend three hours in an airport because of it. So why have I gone on such a rant? Well, this jagoff had to go and pull his stunt less than a month before I was going to be traveling. And it's all about how it's gonna effect me. Before I had an idea of timing and all to get where I'm going but now I don't know how long things are gonna take, checking vs. not checking bags. What all now they've deemed you can't take on a plane now. It's just horrifying to think how slow it was before and what it's going to be like this time. And back to an earlier point, if you're at the ticket counter you'll hassle me to charge for an extra bag or an upgrade but how is it that a light didn't go on in someone's head when a guy, let's call him the lunatic that lit his groin on fire, asked to buy with cash a ticket with no return and had no luggage to check? Really? Didn't bat an eye? That seemed normal and not like someone the authorities would want to talk to and not Bob the insurance salesman from Nebraska that's getting patted down over to the side while this guy strolls on through. Or were you to busy thinking about all the bags you had to check with that family of four that just went through that none of those things set of an alarm in your head. Bravo sir or madame, bravo. So, like I said, because of all that now I'm more than likely going to have to check a bag and hope they can get it to the same city as the plane because of that one guy and an entire systems lack of effectiveness. Like I said, it's all about how it's going to effect me. And this doesn't even take into account that airlines are a racket anyhow. But that's an entirely different thing. One blog at a time.