Isn't It Time You Settled?

So I hadn't written anything for a long time, I had kind of been busy but not really busy on anything that was worthy to write about. Not like the other stuff I had was either but here we are. So what is it that I felt was worthy of picking up the digital pen again? I've decided to jump back into the dating pool. That sound you may have just heard was the collective sigh of relieved women now having another bald, fat option to look past. But I'm aware on the other side of that same coin, any fruit I get at this point is going to be on the bruised side of fresh. So it evens out. And I know I'm very bad at being single, which is bad considering that I am still single. I can't really take advantage of being single because I didn't assume at 38 I would still be single. I'm not prepared, meaning I haven't really maintained any of what I've got at presentation conditions. It's function only. So I think I'm starting a little behind the curve on this particular foray back into things. I've never let being unprepared stop me before so why start now. I decided to hop back in with eHarmony, see some prior posts on my experiences there. Why go back to that service then you may be asking? Well a lot of it has to do with being lazy. Maybe that's the wrong word. I already had a profile filled out there and it was going to take a lot less time to update an existing profile than it was to going to be to create a totally new one. Oh, and it was cheap. I'd been off their service for over two years and periodically they'd send me offers to renew. Of which I'd ignored all of them. Well, then I got the proverbial 'offer you can't refuse'. Three months for the price of one plus one extra month for free if you signed up by a certain date. Oh, I'm on board there. Well played Dr. Neil Clark..well played. You have hooked me. And I've wasted money on worse things so why not give this a go. That gives me one third of a year to look. And I'm going into it with a slightly different attitude, like it might actually work. How refreshing. That's got to help, right? A couple friends of mine are getting married and they met on here so I guess not all the commercials are damn, dirty lies. But I am looking at it a little differently. Aside for thinking it may work. Seeing how I was on it for so long the last time and nothing came of if I have a slightly different perspective. Or at least I think I do.

Let me set the table on what I mean. There's a lot of the same on there. By that, I mean that I've noticed a lot of the same things in every profile. It's like they were issued a primer and had to fill things out a certain way. Kind of like looking through real estate ads. You know, that's a really good parallel. And I've started to find some code words in profiles much like there were code words in real estate listings. Like cozy means small and handyman special means the place is a dump. I've seen some similar things in the ladies profiles. One of the first one's is in the religion category. Now anyone who knows me knows I'm not overly churchy. I'm not sure why, it just never really stuck with me. I went through all the usual things - baptized, confirmation classes and whatever else you do but I got older and like I said, it just didn't stick. I think I'm a Protestant of some extraction. At least I think there are different types, anyway, if there are I'm one of them. But that's kind of like saying if a cow is born in a tree it's a bird, I wouldn't say I'm a fanatic. But I see a lot of the profiles under the religious affiliation marking "spiritual but not religious". Huh...um, how's that work? Or I guess I mean to say what the hell is that? Let me get this straight...you're not religious but you're spiritual? Hmmm... I'm not honest but you're really interesting. Get off the fence, you either are or aren't. So that tells me a little something and at the very least it tells me I'm not going to miss kickoff on Sundays due to the sermon running over. There's another section that says "Some additional things I'd like you to know about me;" and almost to a woman they all say "just ask!". That's great but it didn't say what other questions do I have, it says other things you'd like me to know. Like other information you'd like to offer up without being asked. Which leads to another one that seems to be a go to response, 'you'll just have to find out'. Thanks. Next. Oh, and the no picture having ones. Sorry. Click. Really? Can't manage a picture? Everything is a something plus a camera. Heck, if you have a cell phone odds are you have a camera weather you want one or not. And I have pictures of me posted, and they're pretty representative of me. I'm not going to say you'll enjoy the representation but there it is. I know I'm not every woman's cup of tea...actually, I'm pretty sure I've gotten a few to hate tea. However, it's not like someone won't know who I am because they were so far off. So for me, that's like an instant skip. Could that be shallow? You bet. But I feel it's a fair shallow. I showed you mine so you show me yours. So there.

In another section there is the field, "The most important thing I'm looking for in a person is:" and what I see all the time is......? Sense of humor. DING DING DING. I like to think I'm funny. Who doesn't? I mean who doesn't think they're funny. Not who doesn't think I'm funny, but come on people. That should be a short list of who doesn't think I'm funny. I'm a riot, who wouldn't think I'm funny. So let's establish that I'm funny. At least I've been told that a lot so it's not just me. Ok, so sense of humor is big or so I keep reading. Here's the rub, it seems that as long as that sense is hooked on to, let me see, oh I know, a Zac Effron or whatever the name of that vampire guy is from the "Twilight" movies. Run right past either of those two guys to get to a Steven Wright or a Jon Stewart. Noooooo, that does not happen folks. Not that I want to take either of those to guys down but I never see them in the same kinds of circles as Zac and the vampire. What they should say is "a sense of humor on a guy that I think is hot." That would be more honest. Which brings me to my second point in that field, honesty is the second trait they all seem to say they're searching for. So an honestly funny guy. Guess honesty goes both ways, like being honest with you picture. Yes, we are back to this. I don't want to obsess but there's a lot of dishonest pictures by you women on there. And completely irrelevant pictures. I don't want to sound so hung up on the picture part but there's no depth to my shallowness. That's not fair. I guess I think if I can toss out pictures that are an honest (see, there's that word) representation of what I have going on you should too. That's great you went to the Bahamas, I don't need the pictures of the beach. Great that you went to Italy, but I don't need to see a picture of the Coliseum. I signed up for a dating service, not Zagats online. Or if you do show a picture, try to use the zoom feature. Hear tell that's pretty common on cameras these days. Do I even need to say this? I guess so. Why put a picture of yourself up there at...whatever the event is, that is so far away not only can I not tell if that's you but can't tell who you are in the crowd. What are you trying to hide? Gout? A goiter the size of a grapefruit? I don't know. So there's that. And while I'm on this tangent, here's another thing that I thought was odd in one of the profiles. And for once it's not picture related. Ok, it's kinda picture related but has nothing to do with a goiter. One of the ladies I got matched up with had some captions with the pictures posted, all the better. One had her and her son in it. No problem there. I've kind of come to the conclusion that the odds get greater every day that if I am in fact going to date someone, at this stage they're going to have a kid. Or kids. And I have no problem with that. I like kids and would like to have some some day. Preferably before I retire. Anyway, this lady had a caption that was something like, "a picture of me and my nine year old son who's my best friend." What the what? I like to think she just chose some words poorly. Your best friend? Really? A nine year old? Maybe say 'me and my buddy', or 'me and the little man' but 'me and my nine year old son who'd my best friend'. Ok. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the sentiment behind something like that but if you, at 37, consider your best friend to be a nine year old, son or not....um....next please.

So there's where I'm at, however, enough of me whining and complaining about things I can't control. I'll keep on going till I either find someone who'll put up with me or the subscription runs out, whichever comes first. As developments warrant, I'll keep you all posted with those stories...I'm sure you can't wait.