Favorite Holiday 1A

So I was out this afternoon looking for some Halloween costume pieces. I love Halloween, Christmas is my favorite but Halloween is coming in at 1A. And I have a couple things to look for, or I guess two different ideas. One is for an 80s rock theme and the other is for the Travelocity Gnome. I've got a really good costume that if there was no theme I would go with. It's a pimp costume. Not the typical polyester pajama looking one but an actual pimp looking costume. It's an orange, white pinstriped long jacket and suit. Complete with white fedora hat and orange shoes. Then some gold chains and rings...really, it's an awesome costume. But no place for it this year so I'll let it ride till the next occasion. So back to the 80s rock, I opted to go as Michael Anthony from Van Halen for the 80s rock. Actually, that idea had hit me earlier in the year and then it happened to be the theme we were going with where I work. And let's face it, that's really the only 80s rock person I had a shot as actually pulling off. I don't fit the mold for, oh, 97% of the acts from that era but I can kinda fit in with him. A little shorter, a little stocky and you can get a mullet wig that fits his hairstyle fairly easily. And he usually wore normal clothes, tee shirts and jeans so that would be relatively easy to put together. And the gnome just kinda came to me and that would be fairly easy to put together too. I already had a gray wig and beard from an old Jerry Garcia costume. And one of my friends mentioned getting a blue Sunggee as the robe. Which I already did, and it should work when I turn it around backward. It's not really built to be worn backward but I can make it work with some strategically place pins. And it's also fun to say I own a Snuggee. I've made fun of those for so long and now I own one. So I guess after Halloween I'll have the official uniform of depression to use anytime I'd want. But I already had something that worked as well, it's called a blanket. Actually, I have a lot of them. And it really makes me wonder, why did we need the Snuggee? Were blankets that difficult to figure out? You cover up with it and you're warm. Seems pretty simple. I see on the commercials where they make a big point out of it having sleeves but let's face it people, if a blanket is confusing to you to figure out how to get your arms free to use, you have more problems than just staying warm. But back to the costume hunt, I went out this afternoon to a Halloween store and then to a couple department stores to find the right pieces. First stop was the Halloween store, best chance of finding the mullet wig. Which I did, after a little wandering. And found the right style, not quite the right color but oh well. No costume is perfect. Needed it to be more brown than black but he style was right so that's the one I got. And I'm glad I didn't really have to look for a hat. Something weird about trying on hats in a store like that. Don't get me wrong, I really like Halloween. I enjoy dressing up but you know who else likes Halloween? Lice and dirty people. You pick up a case of that from a wayward Gandalf wizard hat you had to try on and then everyone isn't quite as huggy. But there are some really fun costumes. Especially for the ladies. And by fun I think I'm mispronouncing hot. Some people may say slutty but I guess that's a semantic argument depending on your perspective. As a single guy, I'll say they're hot and love it when you see them at parties. Not everyone is on board with those kind of costumes but I like the ladies who are, God bless you, you make the world a better place to live. And maybe pick up a couple extra. Why should the hot nurse or indian squaw be limited to only Halloween? But sadly, I have no one to convince of this theory so I got my mullet wig and left.

Then off to Walmart to find some remaining parts. I know everyone bangs on Walmart but it's close to where I live and I can find a lot of things without having to go to a lot of different stores. So there I am. And apparently everyone else in the city. Where did all these people come from. Now I will say that I normally try to shop at off hours to avoid this particular thing. There were just too many people out for my liking. Clogging up the aisles and all. And that's not even counting the horrifyingly bad drivers in the parking lot. Have I mentioned before that I'm impatient? Check one of the earlier posts. And did I also mention that I seem to have an ever so slight problem with road rage? Yelling and cursing, sometimes it sounds like I have tourettes but normally it is brought about for a good reason. It's not like I think I'm a better driver than everyone else out there, actually it's only about 85% that I think I'm better than. No, what sets me off is the driver who's not courteous or at the least seems to think they're the only one driving despite the evidence to the contrary. You know, like all the other cars. At least when I have the aneurysm I'll know what it's coming from. But after a few jackasses and people wandering aimlessly across the streets I got a spot. And really, when you're crossing at a parking lot, maybe you try to cross straight across the road and not take the longest diagonal route humanly possible. Did you notice all the other people aside from yourself trying to get places? Sigh. But I did manage to finally get into the store and the parking frustration didn't get any better. So one of the first things I noticed was in that in the area where the lawn and garden section normally lives, it was being transformed to house the Christmas items. Really? Middle of October and the Christmas stuff is out. Don't get me wrong, I do love Christmas. Just not in October. I remember the days when Halloween was it's own holiday and and didn't have Santa sticking his fat, wide ass into it. However, I had all sorts of Halloween spirit going into the store and trying to find some of the things I wanted to get and all of the 'in the way' people just sucked all the fun out of it. I was looking through all the decorations and costumes and things and it was taking me forever to navigate the store because of all the people who thought they were the only ones in the store. Really, you're blocking the aisle with your cart looking at something twelve feet away from your cart and I move it enough to get through and all of a sudden I'm the jerk for doing that? Cram that dirty look and pay attention to your cart. And the kicker to all of this angry sounding rambling? They didn't have any of the stuff I was looking for. Ok, that's not 100% true. They may have had some of it but I got so frustrated trying to navigate the sea of human cattle that was wandering the aisles of the store I had to quit and go home before there was an incident. Either me having a coronary or the police needing to be called. Probably neither actually, but it could have gotten scary which I guess ultimately would have been in the spirit of the holiday.