So I was out doing some shopping this weekend. You know, it's amazing how many of these start with me being out shopping and how other people are irritating. That either means I'm a psychopath or that other people really are stupid. I'm going to go with the second option because that makes me happy. Let me explain. I have all my Christmas shopping done. And it's December 13th. That has never happened. Let me repeat that...that has never happened. Can I give a big thank you to the internet. Aside from exposing the world to Youtube, email and German pornography, you have made holiday shopping so much better. Because of you internet, I can browse the aisles at Amazon.com and not have to worry about bumping into a single self absorbed, clueless, meandering, cell phone yammering holiday shopper. Thank you Amazon.com. You make the world a better place to be.
I had some shopping to do that did not involve buying presents. Just standard grocery shopping and picking up some necessities. Like wine, cheese and bread. We're due a good snow storm so you prepare your way and I'll prepare mine. As the story goes, everyone is always out buying milk, eggs and bread. So the hack joke goes "I guess people don't want to be stranded without being able to make French toast.". Which isn't 100% true. If that was truly the case there'd also be a run on eggs, cinnamon, buttermilk and challah bread. You make French toast your way and I'll make it mine. Not any old ingredients will do. And if you're really getting into it, you'd need a box of Frosted Flakes for a coating. But that's a different blog and I'm here to complain about other people and lack of attentiveness when shopping, not about how to make some damn good French toast.
So I just had groceries to buy. And you would think that wouldn't be too bad. And it wasn't at the first stop I made. They'd recently rearranged some things at the store I like so it's thrown me the last few times I'd gone there trying to remember what was where but it's not too bad and I got out of there without much of any incident. There were a couple of people who were riding right up behind me in the freezer section. Man is that annoying anywhere, not just in frozen foods. And I try not to do it. But when I'm looking for something and someone is riding right up behind me, like invading my eighteen inches of personal space riding up, then I get a little pissed. And I'm going to take my sweet ass time looking for something I know isn't here now because you are being a jackhole and pressing your damn cart up in my personal space trying to get me to move. Sorry about your luck. Wait your turn, ass. You know, there is kind of a social contract we all enter into when we're out in public. Like we won't do certain things to one another. You know, like you won't ride up behind the person in front of you because you think you're entitled to look in that section of the freezer case and I won't tip over your fucking cart because your wheels keep hitting the back of my feet. So I got checked out there and on to store number two.
Now when I say I was just grocery shopping you would think that I'm just at a grocery store and how bad could that be. And you'd be wrong. I do go to a Walmart to grocery shop. You can stop with your eye rolling and any other thing like that. I don't care where the stuff comes from and I don't care about the CNBC specials about it. I'm no tree hugging, granola eating, 'everyone is equal' kind of person. I want my stuff as inexpensive as I can get it and if that's from a Walmart I could care less what anyone thinks about it. Same brands, cheaper price, thank you Sam Walton. The downside of this is you are dealing with the "People of Walmart". If you've never seen the emails you are really doing yourself a disservice. They are some of the best emails I get on a routine basis. I just hope I never pop up in any of them.
So back to my shopping. I just had a few things to get for Christmas dinner. Actually, Christmas Eve dinner. My family has always celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve. Goes back a few generations to coming home from midnight mass and opening presents. I remember me and my brother and mom going to Christmas Eve candlelight services at our church and then going back home and it was amazing how Santa had always hit our house when we were out and none of our grandparents had seen him there. One of my favorite pictures was of one of my grandparents catching part of Santa as he was leaving the front door (we didn't have a fireplace or chimney) and the proof he'd been there. We still have the Polaroid of him going out the front door. Those are the memories that make Christmas the best time of year. But I didn't feel that warm and fuzzy out shopping today.
I had a list of things to get for my Christmas Eve dinner and I really just wanted to get them and go home. It was cold and rainy and I didn't really feel much like being out. So I was on a mission. And it was amazing how many people were just blocking the way. Now, when you're shopping, regardless of where you are, you should assume the normal rules of the road apply. Like you stay on the right side. Good God, how many people just forget any sort of driving etiquette and just park their damn carts where ever they want and just push them like they lost their damn minds. Seriously. I'm navigating the aisle like a normal person and you have these people who are just wandering from side to side, unaware of their surroundings (sometimes due to being wrapped up in a cell phone call) and you have to look out for them. I'm not saying what I'm doing is any more important than what the other mindless human cattle is out doing, but at least I'm trying to be aware of my surroundings and trying not to impede other peoples progress. Holy fuck, I wish other people had even the slightest interest in that.
Have you ever had a 'shopping nemesis'? I did when I was there. Seemed like her only purpose was to get in my way and make everything harder. First let me say, I cannot stand people who use their carts wrong. And by that I mean they pull them behind them instead of pushing them as they were intended to do. That's why there is a handle on them, dumbass. You push them from there and not pull them from the front. The fact you have to keep apologizing to people should tell you you're doing it wrong, idiot. And this person kept popping up in the same aisles as me. I tried to shake her but it just wouldn't work. Kind of like in the horror movies when the teenagers at the campsite are running away but just can't seem to get away from the psychotic killer who is limping along behind them. That's kind of what it was like.
So what's my takeaway from this when I get the overpowering urge to tell some people that they're shopping wrong?
1) Stay on the right side of the aisle, this isn't England so the standard rules of traffic still apply.
2) If you're pulling your cart behind you, just know you're doing it wrong.
3) When you leave your cart blocking the aisle and I have to move it to get through, don't look at me as if I'm the jerk.
4) Put the cell phone away, whatever you're talking about is not that important. Trust me.
Yeah, I think that about sums it up. Happy shopping.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Ho, Ho, Ho!
So I managed to get my Christmas lights up outside of the house. And I didn't kill myself doing it. Funny story with all that, and I may not be using the word funny right. The weekend before the lighting I got all the lights out of the attic and tested them. I knew already some were out on my outside tree. I was bitching last year about lights burning out on the tree and not being able to find any replacement ones because every place was out of lights on December 12th. Which that makes sense, middle of the Christmas season but lets not stock any more lights. That's awesome. So I had to get two new strings for the outside tree this year but I knew I was going to have to get some so that was no biggie. But the weird thing about those, only half the stand was out. Not a few bulbs, half the strand. It stopped halfway down the sting. How the hell does that happen? So almost exactly half the strand was on and the other half out. Never seen only half a strand not work. However all the icicle lights for the house worked. I picked up some replacement tree lights during the week and was ready to go for the weekend.
I started fairly early on a Saturday (early for me anyway) because I had other errands to run and wanted to get everything done in time for the ND game at Yankee stadium that night. Second to the last game of the season so I wanted to make sure I could see it and it was at Yankee stadium. Good weekend for football at baseball stadiums. Northwestern played Illinois at Wrigley field and that was jacked up because apparently they couldn't do the math right at one of the brightest schools in the country. Northwestern didn't figure out they couldn't' fit a whole football field in Wrigley field and not have players kill themselves in one of the endzones. So it was like a backyard game of football, they all had to go toward one end when they had the ball. I would have been pissed if I bought tickets in that other endzone but it made for good tv. Ok, so back to the lights. It took me a while to remember how I had everything rigged last year. I only have two outlets in my garage so there's a lot of extension cords and splitting going on. After about a half hour of detangling and laying out strands and extension cords I got it figured out and remembered how I'd done it the prior year. It's not Rockefeller Center but I have a certain way I want things up on the house. Got the icicle lights on the garage peak up pretty quickly. If you're doing higher up lights and don't want to get too high up on a ladder, or on the roof, I recommend a light pole. It's a telescoping pole with interchangeable ends. One is for placing string lights and then take that off and you can screw in the light holders for roof lines. Pop the holder under the shingle then just twist the pole off the holder. Takes about three of them to get the feel for it but it's great. I borrowed a friends last year and she told me to keep it because she wasn't putting house lights up anymore, just on the shrubs and tree. Score! That probably saved me from having a Clark W. Griswold moment with my lights and falling off the ladder.
So I got the garage half of the front of the house done and was wiring up for the house half. Plugged in the icicle lights for there and son of a bitch, both strings were bad! Only half of them were coming on on each strand. WTF? They both just worked a week ago. Yeah, that sounds about right. You suck!! So I knew at that point I wasn't going to be able to finish when I wanted to. I'd have to get replacement ones for that too when I was out running errands and because I knew that where I had to go (Toys R Us and my local mall) I wouldn't be home with enough light to finish up by the time I got home. Now you know how I am with that kind of stuff (please see previous posts on my impatient nature) and that just made the cursing at inanimate objects start flying out of my mouth and a pretty good rate. You know, because that was the sensible thing to do. And I was right about Toys R Us, that was a special kind of hell on a Saturday. I was earning the 'favorite uncle' title then. Man, I hate that place. I mean I really fucking hate that place. No one pays attention to anyone else, the aisles are too small (one confused parent or grandparent blocks like four or five directions easily) and hardly any checkouts open. Then there's the obligatory screaming kid that the parents think is cute. Guess what Mom and Dad? They're not. Deal with your kid, that's not helping the headache this shitty store brought on. If the theory from "What Dreams May Come" is right and everybody's hell is different, I know mine would involve a Toys R Us in some form or fashion.
The upside to all this is that I did get all the errands finished up in time for the kickoff of the ND game. And really, compared to Toys R Us, the mall was bearable and I had to go to Walmart too and by comparison that seemed practically empty. And got all the light stringing wrapped up on the house and tree before the Colts game that Sunday. Except for one timer not working. Looks like it should be working but it won't turn on. Couldn't find the instructions (even though I was pretty sure I was doing it right) so I ran to Walmart to see if they still had the same one. Which they did, so I unpackaged it and read the instructions there and yes, I was programming it right. So much for the digital timer still working. But I finally figured out that when you have the time set and plug in whatever, even if it's in the 'On' window, it won't come on. Has to be plugged in before the 'On' time. That's really kind of stupid. Thanks Brinks, high tech timer that works funny. Every other timer in the world comes on when you plug something in and it's in the ON position. So I had all the lights up and was going to put the bulbs on the outside tree that week. Didn't have time before the game but would be able to after work.
I got home from work on Monday and was going to have the time to hang al the bulbs on the tree. I have several kinds and sizes that I've picked up over the years. So I went outside with a ladder, the garage door opener and my phone. I closed the door and was hanging things on the tree. When I closed the door it sounded like something big fell off a shelf. I don't have a lot of shelving an nothing big and I wasn't sure what fell but I was going to have a look when I went back inside. Little did I know, I wasn't getting back inside. What that sound was was a spring on the garage door breaking. If you've ever had one go out that effectively means your door isn't going up. And garage doors are heavy. So I locked myself out of the house inadvertently. I didn't have any keys on me, just the garage door opener. For the broken door. When I tried to open the door it went up about six inches and then back down. SLAM! And it was drizzling and cold...score! There's that initial 'oh shit' feeling when you realize you're locked out and don't have keys on you. I was patting myself down like a overzealous TSA agent trying to make sure I wasn't just missing the keys in some pocket or something. Then I was looking for anything to help pry the door up enough to get it on the track to raise up the rest of the way. Once you get the door up about two feet, the top part is on the track and it gets significantly easier to push. But I couldn't get it lifted by myself. Well you think the cursing was bad on the lights, it was nothing compared to this. If you've locked yourself out of the house, don't have your keys on you, can't get the garage door raised up, it's drizzling and cold out and the first word out of your mouth isn't fuck...you have anger issues. Fortunately I had my phone on me to call someone. Called a friend of mine and we got the door up in like a minute. That started to ease the aneurysm that was surely coming on. What's the takeaway for all this? I guess it would be to have your keys on you at all times regardless of what you think you may need them for. Or at the very least have a second key hidden somewhere outside for just such an emergency. Lesson learned. However, all the outside and inside lights and decorations are up and I am ready for the season. So bring on Christmas!
I started fairly early on a Saturday (early for me anyway) because I had other errands to run and wanted to get everything done in time for the ND game at Yankee stadium that night. Second to the last game of the season so I wanted to make sure I could see it and it was at Yankee stadium. Good weekend for football at baseball stadiums. Northwestern played Illinois at Wrigley field and that was jacked up because apparently they couldn't do the math right at one of the brightest schools in the country. Northwestern didn't figure out they couldn't' fit a whole football field in Wrigley field and not have players kill themselves in one of the endzones. So it was like a backyard game of football, they all had to go toward one end when they had the ball. I would have been pissed if I bought tickets in that other endzone but it made for good tv. Ok, so back to the lights. It took me a while to remember how I had everything rigged last year. I only have two outlets in my garage so there's a lot of extension cords and splitting going on. After about a half hour of detangling and laying out strands and extension cords I got it figured out and remembered how I'd done it the prior year. It's not Rockefeller Center but I have a certain way I want things up on the house. Got the icicle lights on the garage peak up pretty quickly. If you're doing higher up lights and don't want to get too high up on a ladder, or on the roof, I recommend a light pole. It's a telescoping pole with interchangeable ends. One is for placing string lights and then take that off and you can screw in the light holders for roof lines. Pop the holder under the shingle then just twist the pole off the holder. Takes about three of them to get the feel for it but it's great. I borrowed a friends last year and she told me to keep it because she wasn't putting house lights up anymore, just on the shrubs and tree. Score! That probably saved me from having a Clark W. Griswold moment with my lights and falling off the ladder.
So I got the garage half of the front of the house done and was wiring up for the house half. Plugged in the icicle lights for there and son of a bitch, both strings were bad! Only half of them were coming on on each strand. WTF? They both just worked a week ago. Yeah, that sounds about right. You suck!! So I knew at that point I wasn't going to be able to finish when I wanted to. I'd have to get replacement ones for that too when I was out running errands and because I knew that where I had to go (Toys R Us and my local mall) I wouldn't be home with enough light to finish up by the time I got home. Now you know how I am with that kind of stuff (please see previous posts on my impatient nature) and that just made the cursing at inanimate objects start flying out of my mouth and a pretty good rate. You know, because that was the sensible thing to do. And I was right about Toys R Us, that was a special kind of hell on a Saturday. I was earning the 'favorite uncle' title then. Man, I hate that place. I mean I really fucking hate that place. No one pays attention to anyone else, the aisles are too small (one confused parent or grandparent blocks like four or five directions easily) and hardly any checkouts open. Then there's the obligatory screaming kid that the parents think is cute. Guess what Mom and Dad? They're not. Deal with your kid, that's not helping the headache this shitty store brought on. If the theory from "What Dreams May Come" is right and everybody's hell is different, I know mine would involve a Toys R Us in some form or fashion.
The upside to all this is that I did get all the errands finished up in time for the kickoff of the ND game. And really, compared to Toys R Us, the mall was bearable and I had to go to Walmart too and by comparison that seemed practically empty. And got all the light stringing wrapped up on the house and tree before the Colts game that Sunday. Except for one timer not working. Looks like it should be working but it won't turn on. Couldn't find the instructions (even though I was pretty sure I was doing it right) so I ran to Walmart to see if they still had the same one. Which they did, so I unpackaged it and read the instructions there and yes, I was programming it right. So much for the digital timer still working. But I finally figured out that when you have the time set and plug in whatever, even if it's in the 'On' window, it won't come on. Has to be plugged in before the 'On' time. That's really kind of stupid. Thanks Brinks, high tech timer that works funny. Every other timer in the world comes on when you plug something in and it's in the ON position. So I had all the lights up and was going to put the bulbs on the outside tree that week. Didn't have time before the game but would be able to after work.
I got home from work on Monday and was going to have the time to hang al the bulbs on the tree. I have several kinds and sizes that I've picked up over the years. So I went outside with a ladder, the garage door opener and my phone. I closed the door and was hanging things on the tree. When I closed the door it sounded like something big fell off a shelf. I don't have a lot of shelving an nothing big and I wasn't sure what fell but I was going to have a look when I went back inside. Little did I know, I wasn't getting back inside. What that sound was was a spring on the garage door breaking. If you've ever had one go out that effectively means your door isn't going up. And garage doors are heavy. So I locked myself out of the house inadvertently. I didn't have any keys on me, just the garage door opener. For the broken door. When I tried to open the door it went up about six inches and then back down. SLAM! And it was drizzling and cold...score! There's that initial 'oh shit' feeling when you realize you're locked out and don't have keys on you. I was patting myself down like a overzealous TSA agent trying to make sure I wasn't just missing the keys in some pocket or something. Then I was looking for anything to help pry the door up enough to get it on the track to raise up the rest of the way. Once you get the door up about two feet, the top part is on the track and it gets significantly easier to push. But I couldn't get it lifted by myself. Well you think the cursing was bad on the lights, it was nothing compared to this. If you've locked yourself out of the house, don't have your keys on you, can't get the garage door raised up, it's drizzling and cold out and the first word out of your mouth isn't fuck...you have anger issues. Fortunately I had my phone on me to call someone. Called a friend of mine and we got the door up in like a minute. That started to ease the aneurysm that was surely coming on. What's the takeaway for all this? I guess it would be to have your keys on you at all times regardless of what you think you may need them for. Or at the very least have a second key hidden somewhere outside for just such an emergency. Lesson learned. However, all the outside and inside lights and decorations are up and I am ready for the season. So bring on Christmas!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Bad Swipe
So I recently had the overpowering urge to buy someone else's groceries. Twice. Let me explain. I think by now I've pretty well established that I can be a child when I want to, and I think I've also pretty well established that I'm impatient. That may not be a strong enough word for it. I would be the type of person who stands in front of a microwave and yells "hurry up!". So not a good combination. I guess I'm not impatient with everything, I don't want to sound like a psychopath. Just mundane stuff like errand running. I'd rather just knock that out so I can get to things I would rather be doing. I guess that would be a better way to describe it. So why have I wasted all this time describing my neurosis? Well it came on strong on my last trip out shopping. It all started out innocently enough, grocery shopping and doing pretty good. Not too many in-the-way people to dodge and I was finding what all was on my list. It was a crisp fall night and was seeing some snow flurries. I don't know what it is but I've always loved being out in weather like that. Not a full on blizzard but weather like that I've always liked so I was enjoying the time out. Mark the time of death on that though. I was finishing up my shopping and went to checkout and there was one line open, but the lady in front of me was just about done so I figured my timing was great. I'd get done unloading just as she was getting finished up and then all my cereal and flour could take their trip on the conveyor belt to my cart. So the lady in front of me was clueless? An idiot? Oblivious? All of the above? That's it! She'd gotten all of her things rang up, in her cart and then started to dig for her wallet. Really? Didn't think to have that ready in the amount of time it took the checker lady to scan all your stuff? Sigh. Lady jerk. So she finally found that and she swiped the card and the little swiper beeped back at her. So she swiped it again. And again. And again. And again. Then tried it slower. And again. And again. She finally handed it to the cashier to see if she could punch in the card number on her little pad and at the same time looks at me and says, "It doesn't seem to be reading my card." Really Einstein? Only took you seventeen tries to figure that one out? You should apply for Jeopardy right now and get ready to break their bank. So as the cashier is typing in the number you get the obligatory, "but I just used it at the last store and it worked just fine." Listen lady, I know you want everyone to know you're not broke and can afford the Eggos and potatoes you just bought. Well, are trying to buy, but please don't stand there with the vapid look in your face giving me a brief synopsis of your financial history. I could not care less. So as she's elaborating on how it just worked at the last place the cashier let her know it was rejected that way too. Now, you would think at this point in an effort to speed things up and to take others into consideration you may try a different means of payment. Nope, right back to trying it again on her little swiper. And the cashier was starting to look fidgety too. I can't blame her when she has this idiot in front of her who can't figure out how to work her card. I was just about ready to just tell her to get out of the way, swipe my card to pay for it just to get this dipshit out of the way. Seriously. That's where I was. Of course if I do that then all of a sudden I'm the asshole for making a point. I'm not saying my time is any more valuable than hers but come on, have a little consideration for everyone else around you. So the cashier finally flags down a manager or supervisor or whatever you call the person with the bracelet of keys. What does she do? She takes the card and grabs a piece of notebook paper and folds it around the card, kind of making a credit card taco out of it, (which by the way, credit card taco would be a great album name for any band) and swipes it through the reader and I'll be damned if it didn't read on the first time. I'm not sure what magical qualities that piece of notebook paper had but I could not have been happier. So then I proceeded to get my things checked out. Slowly. Hadn't noticed while I was unloading my things but this particular cashier was slooooow. Anyway, before too long everything was through, my card read on the first swipe and I was on my way to stop number two.
Things went well at the beginning of store number two too. Got a great parking spot, not too crowded and finding everything I needed to get. I was getting ready to check out from here too and I was walking up and down the main aisle trying to guess which lane would be my best bet. That's always a fun game to play against everyone else in the store. Then I happened to notice an open lane. You know the types of check outs where they have two lanes one behind the other and you can never quite tell if the line is for the front one or the back one? Well that's what happened there. I think people thought they'd be cutting in line but he was just standing there waiting for the next customer. Oh, and I planned on being that next customer. Unfortunately, so did this college girl with her huge damn cart of stuff. Shit! Got right in in front of me. Now to be fair, she didn't even see me coming in from the other direction. Not like that scene from 'Planes, Trains and Automobiles' where Steve Martin and Kevin Bacon lock eyes when they're both trying to hail a cab. She was just a little closer and since I didn't want to start running behind my cart and looking like a complete idiot to get there first, so goes my open line. And when I say college girl I'm just assuming because she was wearing the uniform. Pink headband, hoodie, sweatpants with something across the ass, Ugg boots and enough makeup to make it look like you wanted to look like you weren't trying. But you were. Seriously, I think a memo went out to all women of that age that that is your Friday-Sunday uniform. Oh, and her fucking cellphone attached to her ear for almost all of what you're about to hear. So she's trying to unload her cart at the same time keeping the phone in the crook of her neck and shoulder. That tells me one thing, her major isn't Kinesiology or else you'd know you can't reach out to grab something and still keep your arm in that position. Plus, isn't it kinda rude to just be yammering away on your cell not even acknowledging the person standing there? I mean as far as she was concerned he may as well been a plant. I understand they're just a name-badge scanning your Pop-Tarts but I'm not saying you need to get filled in on their life's story and see what they're doing this weekend. Just a little common courtesy would be nice. So everything is scanned and ready to be paid for and once again, never occurred to her to get her card out before right then. Too busy droning on about whatever nonsense she was talking about. Then as if a great karmic wind blew through while she was looking though her purse, the phone slips, falls and breaks into three pieces. The undescribeable joy that went through my body seeing that was fantastic. (I almost said undescribeable glee, but I hate that show so I'm boycotting the word all together on principal.) How's that broken phone working out for you now you self-absorbed, little ass. And then before pulling the card to pay she proceeds to try and reassemble her phone. Are you fucking kidding me? Holy fuck, you inconsiderate little shithead. I just wanted to push her down and shove her stupid cart full of groceries into a wall. Now to let you know, I'm locked into this line now unless I want to take everything I have off the conveyor belt and put it back into my cart and go hunt for another line. So I'm along for however long this fiasco drags out. She hands the guy what looks like a credit card but I'm guessing it must have been a gift card. I guess this because he told her there wasn't enough on it. Sigh. So then she starts playing the "can you take this off?" game and firing Bagel Bites and frozen pizza back at him to try and get in under the total. Did I mention she was back on her damn phone by this time? Aaaaahhhh, put down your shitty green phone and focus. Still not under so she keeps scouring the cart trying to see what else she can give back. Then she says, "Oh wait, I may have cash." Well hallelujah. And proceeded to pull out a clump of bills from her purse. Really? What are you five? Maybe I'm too anal retentive and have all my bills nicely tucked away in my wallet so I can tell what I have and not all crumpled up in a pocket like Beaver Cleaver when he's trying to buy a movie ticket. I halfway expected to see a yo-yo and slingshot too. So she's sorting out and straightening out her bills and I'm again having the overpowering urge to push her aside and just pay for her cartful of shit just so I can be on my way. I can tell just from looking at her if I did that I'd get the snotty, "Oh my God!" , or I guess "OMG" would be better for the age as I would have to assume she'd be addicted to texting too. She'd be embarrassed and pissed but she'd always have a story to tell. I'd just have had to let her know that when she told this story in the future (and she would definitely tell this story) just know you would always be telling it wrong. But I didn't pay for her stuff so no worry about the story. And at this point of rummaging through her purse she finally told the person on the other end she'd call them back. Great idea, unless you were on the verge of curing all known forms of cancer I'm betting that call could wait. So apparently between the cash and whatever that card was she couldn't pay for it. Now this is a first for me to witness, she just said she was fed up and just to put it all back. Are you fucking kidding me sweetheart!?! You drag this whole transaction out for this long and because you don't have your shit together, making people wait on you, then you just blow it off and leave? Oh, I can't even find the words to describe the white, blinding rage I was feeling toward that girl right then. I don't know her, and never will, but I can tell you I hate her. So take that. The cashier pushes the cart aside and asks one of the other associates if they could at least put the frozen and refrigerated stuff back. Then while he was ringing me up was talking about how he's never seen that before, to which I whole heartedly agreed. Couldn't tell him what I was actually thinking as we were in public. Although as I got to the point where it was my turn to pay (which I was able to do by the way, score one for being a grownup) I was feeling the rage quickly subsiding. I suppose it could have been worse. She could have been trying to pay with an out of state, third party check. Which does remind me of the check writer incident but that's another story.
Things went well at the beginning of store number two too. Got a great parking spot, not too crowded and finding everything I needed to get. I was getting ready to check out from here too and I was walking up and down the main aisle trying to guess which lane would be my best bet. That's always a fun game to play against everyone else in the store. Then I happened to notice an open lane. You know the types of check outs where they have two lanes one behind the other and you can never quite tell if the line is for the front one or the back one? Well that's what happened there. I think people thought they'd be cutting in line but he was just standing there waiting for the next customer. Oh, and I planned on being that next customer. Unfortunately, so did this college girl with her huge damn cart of stuff. Shit! Got right in in front of me. Now to be fair, she didn't even see me coming in from the other direction. Not like that scene from 'Planes, Trains and Automobiles' where Steve Martin and Kevin Bacon lock eyes when they're both trying to hail a cab. She was just a little closer and since I didn't want to start running behind my cart and looking like a complete idiot to get there first, so goes my open line. And when I say college girl I'm just assuming because she was wearing the uniform. Pink headband, hoodie, sweatpants with something across the ass, Ugg boots and enough makeup to make it look like you wanted to look like you weren't trying. But you were. Seriously, I think a memo went out to all women of that age that that is your Friday-Sunday uniform. Oh, and her fucking cellphone attached to her ear for almost all of what you're about to hear. So she's trying to unload her cart at the same time keeping the phone in the crook of her neck and shoulder. That tells me one thing, her major isn't Kinesiology or else you'd know you can't reach out to grab something and still keep your arm in that position. Plus, isn't it kinda rude to just be yammering away on your cell not even acknowledging the person standing there? I mean as far as she was concerned he may as well been a plant. I understand they're just a name-badge scanning your Pop-Tarts but I'm not saying you need to get filled in on their life's story and see what they're doing this weekend. Just a little common courtesy would be nice. So everything is scanned and ready to be paid for and once again, never occurred to her to get her card out before right then. Too busy droning on about whatever nonsense she was talking about. Then as if a great karmic wind blew through while she was looking though her purse, the phone slips, falls and breaks into three pieces. The undescribeable joy that went through my body seeing that was fantastic. (I almost said undescribeable glee, but I hate that show so I'm boycotting the word all together on principal.) How's that broken phone working out for you now you self-absorbed, little ass. And then before pulling the card to pay she proceeds to try and reassemble her phone. Are you fucking kidding me? Holy fuck, you inconsiderate little shithead. I just wanted to push her down and shove her stupid cart full of groceries into a wall. Now to let you know, I'm locked into this line now unless I want to take everything I have off the conveyor belt and put it back into my cart and go hunt for another line. So I'm along for however long this fiasco drags out. She hands the guy what looks like a credit card but I'm guessing it must have been a gift card. I guess this because he told her there wasn't enough on it. Sigh. So then she starts playing the "can you take this off?" game and firing Bagel Bites and frozen pizza back at him to try and get in under the total. Did I mention she was back on her damn phone by this time? Aaaaahhhh, put down your shitty green phone and focus. Still not under so she keeps scouring the cart trying to see what else she can give back. Then she says, "Oh wait, I may have cash." Well hallelujah. And proceeded to pull out a clump of bills from her purse. Really? What are you five? Maybe I'm too anal retentive and have all my bills nicely tucked away in my wallet so I can tell what I have and not all crumpled up in a pocket like Beaver Cleaver when he's trying to buy a movie ticket. I halfway expected to see a yo-yo and slingshot too. So she's sorting out and straightening out her bills and I'm again having the overpowering urge to push her aside and just pay for her cartful of shit just so I can be on my way. I can tell just from looking at her if I did that I'd get the snotty, "Oh my God!" , or I guess "OMG" would be better for the age as I would have to assume she'd be addicted to texting too. She'd be embarrassed and pissed but she'd always have a story to tell. I'd just have had to let her know that when she told this story in the future (and she would definitely tell this story) just know you would always be telling it wrong. But I didn't pay for her stuff so no worry about the story. And at this point of rummaging through her purse she finally told the person on the other end she'd call them back. Great idea, unless you were on the verge of curing all known forms of cancer I'm betting that call could wait. So apparently between the cash and whatever that card was she couldn't pay for it. Now this is a first for me to witness, she just said she was fed up and just to put it all back. Are you fucking kidding me sweetheart!?! You drag this whole transaction out for this long and because you don't have your shit together, making people wait on you, then you just blow it off and leave? Oh, I can't even find the words to describe the white, blinding rage I was feeling toward that girl right then. I don't know her, and never will, but I can tell you I hate her. So take that. The cashier pushes the cart aside and asks one of the other associates if they could at least put the frozen and refrigerated stuff back. Then while he was ringing me up was talking about how he's never seen that before, to which I whole heartedly agreed. Couldn't tell him what I was actually thinking as we were in public. Although as I got to the point where it was my turn to pay (which I was able to do by the way, score one for being a grownup) I was feeling the rage quickly subsiding. I suppose it could have been worse. She could have been trying to pay with an out of state, third party check. Which does remind me of the check writer incident but that's another story.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Isn't It Time You Settled?
So I hadn't written anything for a long time, I had kind of been busy but not really busy on anything that was worthy to write about. Not like the other stuff I had was either but here we are. So what is it that I felt was worthy of picking up the digital pen again? I've decided to jump back into the dating pool. That sound you may have just heard was the collective sigh of relieved women now having another bald, fat option to look past. But I'm aware on the other side of that same coin, any fruit I get at this point is going to be on the bruised side of fresh. So it evens out. And I know I'm very bad at being single, which is bad considering that I am still single. I can't really take advantage of being single because I didn't assume at 38 I would still be single. I'm not prepared, meaning I haven't really maintained any of what I've got at presentation conditions. It's function only. So I think I'm starting a little behind the curve on this particular foray back into things. I've never let being unprepared stop me before so why start now. I decided to hop back in with eHarmony, see some prior posts on my experiences there. Why go back to that service then you may be asking? Well a lot of it has to do with being lazy. Maybe that's the wrong word. I already had a profile filled out there and it was going to take a lot less time to update an existing profile than it was to going to be to create a totally new one. Oh, and it was cheap. I'd been off their service for over two years and periodically they'd send me offers to renew. Of which I'd ignored all of them. Well, then I got the proverbial 'offer you can't refuse'. Three months for the price of one plus one extra month for free if you signed up by a certain date. Oh, I'm on board there. Well played Dr. Neil Clark..well played. You have hooked me. And I've wasted money on worse things so why not give this a go. That gives me one third of a year to look. And I'm going into it with a slightly different attitude, like it might actually work. How refreshing. That's got to help, right? A couple friends of mine are getting married and they met on here so I guess not all the commercials are damn, dirty lies. But I am looking at it a little differently. Aside for thinking it may work. Seeing how I was on it for so long the last time and nothing came of if I have a slightly different perspective. Or at least I think I do.
Let me set the table on what I mean. There's a lot of the same on there. By that, I mean that I've noticed a lot of the same things in every profile. It's like they were issued a primer and had to fill things out a certain way. Kind of like looking through real estate ads. You know, that's a really good parallel. And I've started to find some code words in profiles much like there were code words in real estate listings. Like cozy means small and handyman special means the place is a dump. I've seen some similar things in the ladies profiles. One of the first one's is in the religion category. Now anyone who knows me knows I'm not overly churchy. I'm not sure why, it just never really stuck with me. I went through all the usual things - baptized, confirmation classes and whatever else you do but I got older and like I said, it just didn't stick. I think I'm a Protestant of some extraction. At least I think there are different types, anyway, if there are I'm one of them. But that's kind of like saying if a cow is born in a tree it's a bird, I wouldn't say I'm a fanatic. But I see a lot of the profiles under the religious affiliation marking "spiritual but not religious". Huh...um, how's that work? Or I guess I mean to say what the hell is that? Let me get this straight...you're not religious but you're spiritual? Hmmm... I'm not honest but you're really interesting. Get off the fence, you either are or aren't. So that tells me a little something and at the very least it tells me I'm not going to miss kickoff on Sundays due to the sermon running over. There's another section that says "Some additional things I'd like you to know about me;" and almost to a woman they all say "just ask!". That's great but it didn't say what other questions do I have, it says other things you'd like me to know. Like other information you'd like to offer up without being asked. Which leads to another one that seems to be a go to response, 'you'll just have to find out'. Thanks. Next. Oh, and the no picture having ones. Sorry. Click. Really? Can't manage a picture? Everything is a something plus a camera. Heck, if you have a cell phone odds are you have a camera weather you want one or not. And I have pictures of me posted, and they're pretty representative of me. I'm not going to say you'll enjoy the representation but there it is. I know I'm not every woman's cup of tea...actually, I'm pretty sure I've gotten a few to hate tea. However, it's not like someone won't know who I am because they were so far off. So for me, that's like an instant skip. Could that be shallow? You bet. But I feel it's a fair shallow. I showed you mine so you show me yours. So there.
In another section there is the field, "The most important thing I'm looking for in a person is:" and what I see all the time is......? Sense of humor. DING DING DING. I like to think I'm funny. Who doesn't? I mean who doesn't think they're funny. Not who doesn't think I'm funny, but come on people. That should be a short list of who doesn't think I'm funny. I'm a riot, who wouldn't think I'm funny. So let's establish that I'm funny. At least I've been told that a lot so it's not just me. Ok, so sense of humor is big or so I keep reading. Here's the rub, it seems that as long as that sense is hooked on to, let me see, oh I know, a Zac Effron or whatever the name of that vampire guy is from the "Twilight" movies. Run right past either of those two guys to get to a Steven Wright or a Jon Stewart. Noooooo, that does not happen folks. Not that I want to take either of those to guys down but I never see them in the same kinds of circles as Zac and the vampire. What they should say is "a sense of humor on a guy that I think is hot." That would be more honest. Which brings me to my second point in that field, honesty is the second trait they all seem to say they're searching for. So an honestly funny guy. Guess honesty goes both ways, like being honest with you picture. Yes, we are back to this. I don't want to obsess but there's a lot of dishonest pictures by you women on there. And completely irrelevant pictures. I don't want to sound so hung up on the picture part but there's no depth to my shallowness. That's not fair. I guess I think if I can toss out pictures that are an honest (see, there's that word) representation of what I have going on you should too. That's great you went to the Bahamas, I don't need the pictures of the beach. Great that you went to Italy, but I don't need to see a picture of the Coliseum. I signed up for a dating service, not Zagats online. Or if you do show a picture, try to use the zoom feature. Hear tell that's pretty common on cameras these days. Do I even need to say this? I guess so. Why put a picture of yourself up there at...whatever the event is, that is so far away not only can I not tell if that's you but can't tell who you are in the crowd. What are you trying to hide? Gout? A goiter the size of a grapefruit? I don't know. So there's that. And while I'm on this tangent, here's another thing that I thought was odd in one of the profiles. And for once it's not picture related. Ok, it's kinda picture related but has nothing to do with a goiter. One of the ladies I got matched up with had some captions with the pictures posted, all the better. One had her and her son in it. No problem there. I've kind of come to the conclusion that the odds get greater every day that if I am in fact going to date someone, at this stage they're going to have a kid. Or kids. And I have no problem with that. I like kids and would like to have some some day. Preferably before I retire. Anyway, this lady had a caption that was something like, "a picture of me and my nine year old son who's my best friend." What the what? I like to think she just chose some words poorly. Your best friend? Really? A nine year old? Maybe say 'me and my buddy', or 'me and the little man' but 'me and my nine year old son who'd my best friend'. Ok. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the sentiment behind something like that but if you, at 37, consider your best friend to be a nine year old, son or not....um....next please.
So there's where I'm at, however, enough of me whining and complaining about things I can't control. I'll keep on going till I either find someone who'll put up with me or the subscription runs out, whichever comes first. As developments warrant, I'll keep you all posted with those stories...I'm sure you can't wait.
Let me set the table on what I mean. There's a lot of the same on there. By that, I mean that I've noticed a lot of the same things in every profile. It's like they were issued a primer and had to fill things out a certain way. Kind of like looking through real estate ads. You know, that's a really good parallel. And I've started to find some code words in profiles much like there were code words in real estate listings. Like cozy means small and handyman special means the place is a dump. I've seen some similar things in the ladies profiles. One of the first one's is in the religion category. Now anyone who knows me knows I'm not overly churchy. I'm not sure why, it just never really stuck with me. I went through all the usual things - baptized, confirmation classes and whatever else you do but I got older and like I said, it just didn't stick. I think I'm a Protestant of some extraction. At least I think there are different types, anyway, if there are I'm one of them. But that's kind of like saying if a cow is born in a tree it's a bird, I wouldn't say I'm a fanatic. But I see a lot of the profiles under the religious affiliation marking "spiritual but not religious". Huh...um, how's that work? Or I guess I mean to say what the hell is that? Let me get this straight...you're not religious but you're spiritual? Hmmm... I'm not honest but you're really interesting. Get off the fence, you either are or aren't. So that tells me a little something and at the very least it tells me I'm not going to miss kickoff on Sundays due to the sermon running over. There's another section that says "Some additional things I'd like you to know about me;" and almost to a woman they all say "just ask!". That's great but it didn't say what other questions do I have, it says other things you'd like me to know. Like other information you'd like to offer up without being asked. Which leads to another one that seems to be a go to response, 'you'll just have to find out'. Thanks. Next. Oh, and the no picture having ones. Sorry. Click. Really? Can't manage a picture? Everything is a something plus a camera. Heck, if you have a cell phone odds are you have a camera weather you want one or not. And I have pictures of me posted, and they're pretty representative of me. I'm not going to say you'll enjoy the representation but there it is. I know I'm not every woman's cup of tea...actually, I'm pretty sure I've gotten a few to hate tea. However, it's not like someone won't know who I am because they were so far off. So for me, that's like an instant skip. Could that be shallow? You bet. But I feel it's a fair shallow. I showed you mine so you show me yours. So there.
In another section there is the field, "The most important thing I'm looking for in a person is:" and what I see all the time is......? Sense of humor. DING DING DING. I like to think I'm funny. Who doesn't? I mean who doesn't think they're funny. Not who doesn't think I'm funny, but come on people. That should be a short list of who doesn't think I'm funny. I'm a riot, who wouldn't think I'm funny. So let's establish that I'm funny. At least I've been told that a lot so it's not just me. Ok, so sense of humor is big or so I keep reading. Here's the rub, it seems that as long as that sense is hooked on to, let me see, oh I know, a Zac Effron or whatever the name of that vampire guy is from the "Twilight" movies. Run right past either of those two guys to get to a Steven Wright or a Jon Stewart. Noooooo, that does not happen folks. Not that I want to take either of those to guys down but I never see them in the same kinds of circles as Zac and the vampire. What they should say is "a sense of humor on a guy that I think is hot." That would be more honest. Which brings me to my second point in that field, honesty is the second trait they all seem to say they're searching for. So an honestly funny guy. Guess honesty goes both ways, like being honest with you picture. Yes, we are back to this. I don't want to obsess but there's a lot of dishonest pictures by you women on there. And completely irrelevant pictures. I don't want to sound so hung up on the picture part but there's no depth to my shallowness. That's not fair. I guess I think if I can toss out pictures that are an honest (see, there's that word) representation of what I have going on you should too. That's great you went to the Bahamas, I don't need the pictures of the beach. Great that you went to Italy, but I don't need to see a picture of the Coliseum. I signed up for a dating service, not Zagats online. Or if you do show a picture, try to use the zoom feature. Hear tell that's pretty common on cameras these days. Do I even need to say this? I guess so. Why put a picture of yourself up there at...whatever the event is, that is so far away not only can I not tell if that's you but can't tell who you are in the crowd. What are you trying to hide? Gout? A goiter the size of a grapefruit? I don't know. So there's that. And while I'm on this tangent, here's another thing that I thought was odd in one of the profiles. And for once it's not picture related. Ok, it's kinda picture related but has nothing to do with a goiter. One of the ladies I got matched up with had some captions with the pictures posted, all the better. One had her and her son in it. No problem there. I've kind of come to the conclusion that the odds get greater every day that if I am in fact going to date someone, at this stage they're going to have a kid. Or kids. And I have no problem with that. I like kids and would like to have some some day. Preferably before I retire. Anyway, this lady had a caption that was something like, "a picture of me and my nine year old son who's my best friend." What the what? I like to think she just chose some words poorly. Your best friend? Really? A nine year old? Maybe say 'me and my buddy', or 'me and the little man' but 'me and my nine year old son who'd my best friend'. Ok. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the sentiment behind something like that but if you, at 37, consider your best friend to be a nine year old, son or not....um....next please.
So there's where I'm at, however, enough of me whining and complaining about things I can't control. I'll keep on going till I either find someone who'll put up with me or the subscription runs out, whichever comes first. As developments warrant, I'll keep you all posted with those stories...I'm sure you can't wait.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Malaysia...when did I go to Malaysia?
So I had to cash a check recently and it reminded me of a nonexistent trip to Malaysia. I had gotten some Disney on Ice tickets for my brother and his family and he paid me back with a check. Which is fine I guess, but I sometimes look at getting a check as, "hey, thanks for the errand.". I shouldn't complain about however anyone wants to pay me back but man, getting a check can be a hassle. At least for me. Banks close early and the little 'bank-marts' in certain grocery stores are open later, but they're not as convenient to get to. Or at least the one I would be going to isn't really on my way home. Well, I guess it is if you count that round about way home as on the way, then yes it is. So I get to the bank to cash the check and they ask me my security question. Really? It's a $44 check, but that's your policy so have at it. Now keep that in mind. So why did I tell you that bit of personal finance history? To be able to tell you this part of it. Let's take a trip back to 2007. My family was coming into town to go to the State Fair (see prior post about the State Fair fun) and I was running out really quick before they got to my house to grab some cash from an ATM. Got to the ATM, got my cash and did my customary glance at the receipt to see if everything looked ok and I was a little shocked. Now, I'm not going to retire tomorrow or anything but no one needs to hold a benefit in my honor either. I'm not breaking the bank but at any time I have a general idea of how much money I have in my account. And this receipt was trying to tell me that at that moment I was down about $1800. What the fu....well, there has to be some kind of accounting error going on because that is no where close to where it should be. So I rush home and give them a call on their way and say I may not be quite ready when they get here. I hop online to check my account and see what may have happened and I'm seeing charges to a Malaysian airline, some Turkish airline and some other toy countries too. WHAT THE FU...funny, I don't remember going to Malaysia. Or ever having a desire to go there. So I get on the 800 number line to my bank to see what the hell exactly is going on. It was a Saturday and I had them cancel, freeze or whatever they had to do to lock down the account so no more fraudulent charges could go through. They said to go to a branch to fill out paperwork to get an investigation going and to be able to get my money back. Keep in mind, this was my checking account, so that was actual money gone. Not like if it had been on a credit card and it was money in theory gone. Needless to say, I was a bit preoccupied at the fair. I still had a good time but was going over in the back of my mind, what the hell am I going to do. So I got back home from the fair and made my way to one of the afore mentioned bank-marts. Those are the only locations that are open at 4:00pm on a Saturday. And I wanted to get the wheels rolling as soon as I could. I had printouts of my online statement, and they had it pulled up too, and the manager on duty there kinda chuckled as I was filling out the paperwork saying this was the most clear cut fraud case he'd seen since he'd been there and that getting my money back should be a piece of cake. So that was a bit reassuring. I filled out the paperwork, and there was a lot of it, got is signed, dated and he was going to fax it to the bank's headquarters for fraud and it should get in the system pretty quickly. So I felt pretty confident...that was till I called the main number that Monday to make sure they had gotten my paperwork and that they didn't need anything else from me at the moment. To which they said they'd gotten it but it wasn't signed. Really? Because I saw myself sign it. So did the manager there. Sigh. So I decided to take a long lunch and get this straightened out. I remembered hearing about having to go to a bank of origination for some things so I went back to the branch that I had started my account with about ten years ago. Well, I had to go home first and get all the things I had to that point. Got to the bank and was waiting in line and got to a teller. I was explaining my story to her and she was amazed. That line forms to the left. Fortunately she was the head teller for that branch and she got right on it. She had the other branch fax me the paperwork they had and I'll be damned, when it came through there was my signature plain as day. Makes me wonder how the monkeys at the main branch couldn't see it. So she faxed that back in, I had to fill out some other paperwork and then start to close out that account and start a new one. I went into an office to start a new checking account and was going through all the paperwork to do that when the teller came back in with something else to sign and gave me an update on the total, and she was amazed. She said it had gotten to almost $13,000 dollars. Her and the associate helping me with the new account both said that was the biggest number for something like this they'd ever heard of and both said considering what it was, I shouldn't have any problem getting my money back. Now keep in mind, I'm only on the hook for some of that $13,000. My bank was on the hook for all of it because my account had been overdrawn by a considerable amount so not only will they be giving me my money back but trying to get back the rest of the fraudulent funds too. So with that, I felt pretty confident that it was all going to work out and they said the whole process should take four to six weeks. Well great, I have to wait that long to get my account back in order. And I had two accounts. Since the stuff had happened to my original account, which was now locked down in about fifteen different ways, they would have to put any recovered money into that one and then transfer it to my new one. Guess they couldn't put it directly into my new one for some reason or another. So at this point, I was left with a damaged checking account, a brand new checking account and no debit card. Until you don't have access to your money via debit card, you never really realize how much you use it. Man, was that a pain in the ass. And about a week later I had my new card but boy was that an inconvenient week. Then I had to go back to work and send in my new info to the payroll department for the direct deposit and all that. And here's a fun note on that, it would take one pay cycle to go into effect so the next check would be mailed to me and I'd have to go to the bank to deposit it. JOY! Remember my initial thought about going there with a check, thanks for the errand. So everything had been working itself out, I'd been getting letters from my bank with charge backs and all, which were then transferred to my new account and after about five weeks I had every last penny back and all was right with the world. So that was mid September.
Now let's skip ahead to the second week of October. I got a letter from my bank saying upon inspection they were going to be reversing one of the charges because they had deemed it a 'valid transaction' and had laid out the steps for me to dispute that. WHAT THE FUCK!!! Hell yeah I'm gonna dispute it. The first step was to have something in writing. Now, as you people may have noticed, I don't have a problem writing and going on and on. And man did they get an earful in letter form, I think I stopped short of calling them assholes. Which I think I would have been justified in calling them but that probably wouldn't have helped anything. However, I did lay out to them in no uncertain terms why this was bullshit and was not going to happen. First among them goes back to what I told you earlier about getting asked my security question when trying to cash a $44 check. For forty-four dollars they ask me that question, yet for multiple transactions that were hundreds and thousands of dollars per transaction ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET, not a single red flag was raised in the system? Really? Nothing at all seemed odd about that? Not one bit? Now I know why all of them needed bailed out if that's all the better accounting they had in place. Maybe, and it's just a wild thought, have something in place to keep tabs on that. When I moved into my house the first thing I bought was a bigscreen tv. With a credit card. The very next day I had an automated fraud alert call to verify that I was the one buying it. Wow, so it can be done. And if they'd bother to look at my banking history from the last decade, 90% of any and all transactions were in the central and northeast part of my state. And at that time, the exceptions to that were Seattle, Las Vegas, Boston, New Hampshire and points along the way. That's it. That's the list. And I laid that out to them very plainly with probably no small amount of cynicism and sarcasm. So I was curious how they thought several fifteen hundred dollar airline ticket purchases ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET were valid. Well, I guess that could be a semantic argument on their part to back out of it. As soon as a card is scanned and accepted, that is a valid transaction. Regardless of how fraudulent it may be. So needless to say I was hot that evening but nothing I could do till the next morning. So that next morning I called back to that branch and asked for the teller I'd been working with only to find out she was out sick. Oh great, now to have to try and rehash the last two months of nonsense to a brand new person. I started to explain my story and apparently that teller had heard of it and put me in with the manager, who I guess was as familiar with it as the teller. When I came in that lunch hour with my new paperwork and all she was a little amazed that they were trying it. Actually, her exact words were, "I've never seen them try to reverse an amount this big before.". Well that's good to know I'm a trailblazer. Now the first go around I think there were six or seven different transactions, so I had to fill out six or seven different sets of paperwork for each one. So I asked her if I should expect this for all of them and if I'd have to fill out this new paperwork for the rest that would be coming through. She said that hopefully this would catch them before any others were sent out and she could get those from going through as well as getting this one re-reversed. So I felt reassured, not totally confident, but at least reassured. So about a week later I got a letter from the headquarters saying the money was being put back into my account. Not a mention anywhere of 'sorry we were dipshits about that' or anything like that. Just that it was back in the account. Well at least I had all the cash back. When all the dust had settled I tried to figure out where my number may have gotten out so that Mubupoo could have snagged it and started racking up frequent flyer miles to all those shit destinations on my dime. The only thing that was an out of the way purchase (by that I mean not a usual gas station, grocery store or restaurant) was an online purchase of concert tickets a few weeks before this whole fiasco started. So boys and girls, what do we take away from all of this? Other than banks are machines and not looking out for your best interests unless you point it out to them? Well first, even though credit card companies are evil at least they have the common sense to ask about the validity of major purchases. That's be nice if the bank would take note of that. And secondly, if you are doing an online purchase, use a credit card and not a debit card. If something like that happens it's not your money that you're out, it's just 'credit money' which is kinda like Monopoly money at that point. And something like that would be easy for the card company to wipe from your account and then it's on them to go all collections pitbull and find the jagoffs doing that that actually owe them. Which I guess makes them slightly less evil, but still evil. At least they'll give you your money back and then not try to take it back again a couple weeks down the road.
Now let's skip ahead to the second week of October. I got a letter from my bank saying upon inspection they were going to be reversing one of the charges because they had deemed it a 'valid transaction' and had laid out the steps for me to dispute that. WHAT THE FUCK!!! Hell yeah I'm gonna dispute it. The first step was to have something in writing. Now, as you people may have noticed, I don't have a problem writing and going on and on. And man did they get an earful in letter form, I think I stopped short of calling them assholes. Which I think I would have been justified in calling them but that probably wouldn't have helped anything. However, I did lay out to them in no uncertain terms why this was bullshit and was not going to happen. First among them goes back to what I told you earlier about getting asked my security question when trying to cash a $44 check. For forty-four dollars they ask me that question, yet for multiple transactions that were hundreds and thousands of dollars per transaction ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET, not a single red flag was raised in the system? Really? Nothing at all seemed odd about that? Not one bit? Now I know why all of them needed bailed out if that's all the better accounting they had in place. Maybe, and it's just a wild thought, have something in place to keep tabs on that. When I moved into my house the first thing I bought was a bigscreen tv. With a credit card. The very next day I had an automated fraud alert call to verify that I was the one buying it. Wow, so it can be done. And if they'd bother to look at my banking history from the last decade, 90% of any and all transactions were in the central and northeast part of my state. And at that time, the exceptions to that were Seattle, Las Vegas, Boston, New Hampshire and points along the way. That's it. That's the list. And I laid that out to them very plainly with probably no small amount of cynicism and sarcasm. So I was curious how they thought several fifteen hundred dollar airline ticket purchases ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET were valid. Well, I guess that could be a semantic argument on their part to back out of it. As soon as a card is scanned and accepted, that is a valid transaction. Regardless of how fraudulent it may be. So needless to say I was hot that evening but nothing I could do till the next morning. So that next morning I called back to that branch and asked for the teller I'd been working with only to find out she was out sick. Oh great, now to have to try and rehash the last two months of nonsense to a brand new person. I started to explain my story and apparently that teller had heard of it and put me in with the manager, who I guess was as familiar with it as the teller. When I came in that lunch hour with my new paperwork and all she was a little amazed that they were trying it. Actually, her exact words were, "I've never seen them try to reverse an amount this big before.". Well that's good to know I'm a trailblazer. Now the first go around I think there were six or seven different transactions, so I had to fill out six or seven different sets of paperwork for each one. So I asked her if I should expect this for all of them and if I'd have to fill out this new paperwork for the rest that would be coming through. She said that hopefully this would catch them before any others were sent out and she could get those from going through as well as getting this one re-reversed. So I felt reassured, not totally confident, but at least reassured. So about a week later I got a letter from the headquarters saying the money was being put back into my account. Not a mention anywhere of 'sorry we were dipshits about that' or anything like that. Just that it was back in the account. Well at least I had all the cash back. When all the dust had settled I tried to figure out where my number may have gotten out so that Mubupoo could have snagged it and started racking up frequent flyer miles to all those shit destinations on my dime. The only thing that was an out of the way purchase (by that I mean not a usual gas station, grocery store or restaurant) was an online purchase of concert tickets a few weeks before this whole fiasco started. So boys and girls, what do we take away from all of this? Other than banks are machines and not looking out for your best interests unless you point it out to them? Well first, even though credit card companies are evil at least they have the common sense to ask about the validity of major purchases. That's be nice if the bank would take note of that. And secondly, if you are doing an online purchase, use a credit card and not a debit card. If something like that happens it's not your money that you're out, it's just 'credit money' which is kinda like Monopoly money at that point. And something like that would be easy for the card company to wipe from your account and then it's on them to go all collections pitbull and find the jagoffs doing that that actually owe them. Which I guess makes them slightly less evil, but still evil. At least they'll give you your money back and then not try to take it back again a couple weeks down the road.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Have I Mentioned I Hate Flying?
So I am starting to plan for another of my annual trips to Seattle. The company I work for is based out of there and at least once a year they have everyone from all the offices out for a party. Well, I go for the party. Everyone else has to work at the sales meetings. One of the times where being in the creative department works in my favor, I get to go and play and they all have to work that week. But I hate going there. Let me rephrase that, I hate getting there. Let me set the table as to why. I had never flown on a large, commercial aircraft before in my life. Ever. Had a slight irrational fear of flying in the John Madden scope of not flying. If I couldn't drive to get somewhere, I obviously didn't need to go to that place. So my travels had been somewhat limited. But no airlines involved so I call that a win. Well, my first year with my company I had started at just the right time to be going to the holiday party a mere six weeks later. Now, seeing as how I had never flown before, I have no base of comparison for when flying may have been even slightly enjoyable before 2001. I'm sure it may have been sometime back when everything was in black and white, no one had been in outer space and nobody had heard of the Beatles yet, but it isn't now. Actually, there is not one single thing about airline travel that is enjoyable other than getting off the plane. So back to the initial trip. I had to weigh the irrational fear of flying against a pretty much free trip to a city I've never been to before...so I chose to get on the plane. My HR department got my trip booked and everything looked fine. The friend I work with in the creative department was going without his wife so they booked us together. So at least I had someone I knew going along the way in case I freaked out. Now, I had always heard 'be two hours early, be two hours early' so, we got there two hours early. The flight was like 9:15am so we're there a little after 7:00am...and are through security by 7:25am at the latest so the time warning seemed a little...excessive. Apparently by that time they'd gotten the bugs worked out and shaved an hour fifty off that estimate. But, you know what's open at 7:25am? The airport bar. So I had a couple tall beers. Not enough to alter my consciousness but enough to at least make me think I was relaxed. I don't check luggage, I don't want the monkeys with the airlines to lose it and have it show up in Phoenix when I'm supposed to be in Seattle, but got on the plane in plenty of time to make sure I had the overhead room. And then got strapped in and was waiting to take off. Seriously, how long does it take for a grown ass person to find their damn seat? They're numbered so unless your name is Jethro and you have a 4th grade education, you should be able to count up to 21 to see where your row is. Finally everyone got on, door shut and we're moving...and I'm white knuckling on the armrest of my seat. We were taxiing around and I thought, "Well this isn't so bad.". Then they got lined up and punched it and I was sucked back into my seat. To say it was one of the oddest feeling I had ever experienced to that point would be a good way to say it. Then after the climb and leveling out, it wasn't too bad. And neither were any other of the legs of that trip, which is a good thing because I can't guarantee that I would have gone back. How would that work out, the fear of flying taking down a free trip cross country.
Now I'm not as bad with the fear of flying, other than the regular "boy I hope the pilot is having a good day" concerns. I look at flying as more of a hassle than anything anxiety causing. Really, like I said before, to me there is not one enjoyable thing about flying other than getting off the plane. Or I guess being several hundred miles away in like three hours, I guess that's good too. So by this time in my life I have flown quite a bit. I'm not in a frequent flyer club but I pretty much know how to navigate an airport and was accustomed to the now standard TSA nonsense and ineptitude. Out of curiosity one time, I looked online for the minimum requirements to be a TSA employee, one of which was "High School diploma or G.E.D.".....GED? Really? Not to knock anyone for trying to get an education but if high school English was kicking their ass maybe their not the people we need front lining it to catch people like that lunatic a couple weeks ago that tried to light his groin on fire in an airplane. I'm not a security expert, but if someone who has gotten on a plane from somewhere, oh, let's say Yemen, and buys with cash a one way ticket with no luggage to check is perhaps one of the people we are looking for and not the family of four from Nebraska who is off to the side with the kids crying because they can't figure out which line to get in and they're all tired from already having been there two and a half hours. People may say that's racial profiling, or maybe it could be proactive screening? Ever think about it that way? We know who the people are, go get them. Because nineteen lunatics got through the Keystone Cops intelligence prior to 9/11and created what they created, now 200 million Americans (I know there are 300 million in the country but let's assume not all of them fly. Like I said, flying is the enjoyment equivalent of dental surgery) will fly from time to time, so two thirds of the country, we are now criminals. Or at least assumed criminals till we're patted down by captain success with his GED. Is it so hard to figure out who poses a threat? Because of the Keystone Cops intelligence, which how did they miss that guy, the fire groin guy, we're all guilty? This is insane. Now, I know they do probably get a lot of things right and have stopped a number of attacks that we never hear about, so they don't screw up everything but yet we still stand in these lines that don't seem to work. But it's not all on them. The airlines are horrifying too. They stunk before 2001, anyone remember them getting bailed out numerous times before it was en vogue to be a business bailed out by the government? But now they just hide behind the phrase 'September Eleventh' to justify anything they want to do. Which includes adding to the security hassle. There is no reason that a family of four should not know what line they need to be in or that they should have to spend three hours in an airport because of it. So why have I gone on such a rant? Well, this jagoff had to go and pull his stunt less than a month before I was going to be traveling. And it's all about how it's gonna effect me. Before I had an idea of timing and all to get where I'm going but now I don't know how long things are gonna take, checking vs. not checking bags. What all now they've deemed you can't take on a plane now. It's just horrifying to think how slow it was before and what it's going to be like this time. And back to an earlier point, if you're at the ticket counter you'll hassle me to charge for an extra bag or an upgrade but how is it that a light didn't go on in someone's head when a guy, let's call him the lunatic that lit his groin on fire, asked to buy with cash a ticket with no return and had no luggage to check? Really? Didn't bat an eye? That seemed normal and not like someone the authorities would want to talk to and not Bob the insurance salesman from Nebraska that's getting patted down over to the side while this guy strolls on through. Or were you to busy thinking about all the bags you had to check with that family of four that just went through that none of those things set of an alarm in your head. Bravo sir or madame, bravo. So, like I said, because of all that now I'm more than likely going to have to check a bag and hope they can get it to the same city as the plane because of that one guy and an entire systems lack of effectiveness. Like I said, it's all about how it's going to effect me. And this doesn't even take into account that airlines are a racket anyhow. But that's an entirely different thing. One blog at a time.
Now I'm not as bad with the fear of flying, other than the regular "boy I hope the pilot is having a good day" concerns. I look at flying as more of a hassle than anything anxiety causing. Really, like I said before, to me there is not one enjoyable thing about flying other than getting off the plane. Or I guess being several hundred miles away in like three hours, I guess that's good too. So by this time in my life I have flown quite a bit. I'm not in a frequent flyer club but I pretty much know how to navigate an airport and was accustomed to the now standard TSA nonsense and ineptitude. Out of curiosity one time, I looked online for the minimum requirements to be a TSA employee, one of which was "High School diploma or G.E.D.".....GED? Really? Not to knock anyone for trying to get an education but if high school English was kicking their ass maybe their not the people we need front lining it to catch people like that lunatic a couple weeks ago that tried to light his groin on fire in an airplane. I'm not a security expert, but if someone who has gotten on a plane from somewhere, oh, let's say Yemen, and buys with cash a one way ticket with no luggage to check is perhaps one of the people we are looking for and not the family of four from Nebraska who is off to the side with the kids crying because they can't figure out which line to get in and they're all tired from already having been there two and a half hours. People may say that's racial profiling, or maybe it could be proactive screening? Ever think about it that way? We know who the people are, go get them. Because nineteen lunatics got through the Keystone Cops intelligence prior to 9/11and created what they created, now 200 million Americans (I know there are 300 million in the country but let's assume not all of them fly. Like I said, flying is the enjoyment equivalent of dental surgery) will fly from time to time, so two thirds of the country, we are now criminals. Or at least assumed criminals till we're patted down by captain success with his GED. Is it so hard to figure out who poses a threat? Because of the Keystone Cops intelligence, which how did they miss that guy, the fire groin guy, we're all guilty? This is insane. Now, I know they do probably get a lot of things right and have stopped a number of attacks that we never hear about, so they don't screw up everything but yet we still stand in these lines that don't seem to work. But it's not all on them. The airlines are horrifying too. They stunk before 2001, anyone remember them getting bailed out numerous times before it was en vogue to be a business bailed out by the government? But now they just hide behind the phrase 'September Eleventh' to justify anything they want to do. Which includes adding to the security hassle. There is no reason that a family of four should not know what line they need to be in or that they should have to spend three hours in an airport because of it. So why have I gone on such a rant? Well, this jagoff had to go and pull his stunt less than a month before I was going to be traveling. And it's all about how it's gonna effect me. Before I had an idea of timing and all to get where I'm going but now I don't know how long things are gonna take, checking vs. not checking bags. What all now they've deemed you can't take on a plane now. It's just horrifying to think how slow it was before and what it's going to be like this time. And back to an earlier point, if you're at the ticket counter you'll hassle me to charge for an extra bag or an upgrade but how is it that a light didn't go on in someone's head when a guy, let's call him the lunatic that lit his groin on fire, asked to buy with cash a ticket with no return and had no luggage to check? Really? Didn't bat an eye? That seemed normal and not like someone the authorities would want to talk to and not Bob the insurance salesman from Nebraska that's getting patted down over to the side while this guy strolls on through. Or were you to busy thinking about all the bags you had to check with that family of four that just went through that none of those things set of an alarm in your head. Bravo sir or madame, bravo. So, like I said, because of all that now I'm more than likely going to have to check a bag and hope they can get it to the same city as the plane because of that one guy and an entire systems lack of effectiveness. Like I said, it's all about how it's going to effect me. And this doesn't even take into account that airlines are a racket anyhow. But that's an entirely different thing. One blog at a time.
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